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Old 01-23-2013, 11:13 PM   #1
samakb
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Default Submarine Conditions

Found this deep in the depths of Google, and thought I'd share this with the NavyDEP community. I did not write this, but here's the website where I found it.

http://www.reocities.com/pentagon/3392/humor.html


How to simulate submarine life at Home:

1. Surround yourself with a few people you don't like.

2. Close all windows and doors tightly and close all curtains.

3. Seal any openings to the outside world with a suitable vault door.

4. Unplug all radios and televisions to cut yourself off completly from news, football games, Saturday Night Live, The Muppet Show etc...

5. Hourly monitor all home appliances operating. If not in use, make a note in a log book.

6. If using bathroom, do not flush toilet for first two days to simulate smell of blowing sanitaries and venting inboard. Then flush daily.

7. Wear only blue coveralls, or proper Navy uniform. No hats or T-Shirts.

8. Cut your hair once a week, ensuring you make it look like you did it yourself.

9. Work in 18 hour intervals to ensure you body really gets confused.

10. Listen to the same cassette over and over until you can't stand it anymore, then put one in that you can't even listen to without nausea setting in.

11. Set alarm to go off just as you fall asleep, with alarm set at loud, or buy a special alarm with various settings i.e. Battle Stations, Fire, Flooding in the Basement.

12. Prepare food with a blindfold on to simulate what real submarine cooks do. Then take the blindfold off and try to get your dog to eat it. Then break out a can of tuna or peanut butter.

13. Cut your bed in half, and enclose all but one side using the dimensions of a small casket as your reference. When not in bed, make up blankets properly even though no one will see or care. For added touch of realism, have 3 people taking turns sleeping in bed, one of whom is in two section appliance watch.

14. Periodically, for want of excitement, open main power breaker and run around yelling "Reactor Scram" until you are sweating profusely, then restore power.

15. Buy yourself a snorkel and mask, and again, periodically, just for want of anything better to do, put it on and pretend you're in a smoke filled room with no way out. For added variety, hook up garden hose and pressurize.

16. To enable yourself to handle anything, constantly study wiring diagrams and operating instructions for various home appliances (stove, refrigerator, can opener). For no reason at all, at specific intervals (monthly, weekly, etc.) tear one apart, just in case it was going to break.

17. Paint everything around you gray (Navy FSN gray, no substitutes) or off white.

18. To be sure you are living in a clean and happy environment, every Saturday set alarm on loud for a short but hated drill sound, then get up and manned with only a bucket, a sponge, and a greeny, clean one area over and over again; even if it was already spotless. Then make out a discrepancy list.

19. Once a day, after normal programming hours, plug in the TV and watch
one movie being careful that it is:
A. At least five years old
B. Made long enough prior to showing to be sure you've seen it once before; or
C. So bad that you have to install a seatbelt in your chair to keep you there until it's over
20. Since no doctor will be available, stockpile bandaids, aspirin, and Actifed since these are proven "cure-alls". Practice if necessary on your dog (surgery, dentistry, etc.).

21. When commencing this test simulation, lock your family, friends, and anything else that means anything to you outside. Test will run for at least two months with no specific end in sight and completion delayed at least twice for no less than two weeks.


What you have just read is a little bit of humor on the life of a real Submariner, and respect is definitely given to those who go underway below the sea. Some of the things above actually happen and by relating the experiences to common things at home I hope you have gained some insight of the life of a submariner at sea.
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:58 PM   #2
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You targets just won't understand... ;)
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:35 PM   #3
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All right I'm confused a little bit because the rate I revceived was Machinists Mate but it was on subs. However, you can go on one of two paths and rather be an auxilary specialist or a weapons specialist. What are the names of the jobs within this rate? I think I learned that Torpedomen (TM) is a weapons specialist job but what else is out there? I would appreciate any feedback.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:22 PM   #4
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KSoon, I am MMS as well and here's what I got. Torpedoman's Mate (TM) was disestablished on 1 October 2007. Surface TMs were merged into the Gunners Mate rating and submarine TMs were merged with Machinist Mate (non-nuclear) rating, becoming MM(W), Machinist Mate Weapons. After "A" school, we will either follow the Auxiliary pipeline or follow-up Weapons courses. I'm not sure wether we get to choose between MM (AUX) and MM (WEP) or if the Navy assigns us based on its needs. That being said, you can find a list of Sub-Specialties available for MM here.. Click Me
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Old 02-17-2013, 12:30 PM   #5
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Thank you for your comments and I'm more educated about it now. Just curious when do you ship out?
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Old 02-17-2013, 01:10 PM   #6
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You're welcome! I ship out 20130313
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