bbrandon92
02-13-2013, 09:47 PM
Hello everyone, I have been home from the Navy 7 months now. I want to share my story, and maybe help atleast one person from making the same mistakes I did throughout bootcamp.
First of all, if you have any sort of anxiety condition, or any mental disorder. STOP! do NOT go into the military...you will regret it and end up wanting or actually going home. The point of bootcamp is to break you down, to build you in the way the military sees most fit.
I had very major symptoms of anxiety before I left for bc. I ignored them, even lied to myself because I knew it would disqualify me. I had horrible anxiety attacks, and whats called "de-realization" (look it up if you dont know what it is). Although everyone has some degree of anxiety throughout bootcamp, it does not mean its permanent. They actually allow every recruit to have one anxiety attack with zero consequences in basic. I had multiple. I only reported two though, the first one...and the one that got me disqualified and separated. Since I refused to believe that I had an anxiety disorder I thought there was something physically wrong with me. My first attack I literally thought I was having a heart attack. Since some of the physical symptoms of anxiety mimic the symptoms of a heart attack. So that being said I fell to my knees in the middle of the chow hall. I was rushed to the local hospital, only to be told nothing was wrong with me. I was put on LLD until cleared by a mental professional then I continued training. Now that I knew what I was experiencing was anxiety I ignored all the symptoms. Not realizing I was actually harming my body and my mind.
So that being said I was at battlestations, I would estimate that it was around 7am when a serious panic attack struck me. My whole body locked up...I litterally could not move my fingers, they locked up in a weird crooked position. I was brought into the small medical room aboard the ship. My blood pressure was dangerously high. They called the paramedics, but by the time they had gotten there I made myself calm down. I was given the option to go to the hospital and I turned it down. I did not want to be sent back to REU, I knew if I went to the hospital again with nothing physically wrong I would be separated. So instead I agreed to go to medical, and be evaluated on base (Before I left I was given my navy ball cap, and my battlestations stamp on my hard card since I only had one event left to complete) The doctor said I was just under alot of stress and asked if I would like to be SIQ for the day. I said no, knowing my shipmates would be very angry at me, since they had to stay up all night and day as well. Anyways I calmed myself down, assured myself that bootcamp was over in 2 days and all my anxieties would go away once I was at A school (which to this day I still believe I would have been fine). Once I had gotten back to my ship, after a couple hours my shipmates were back...they were ALL very very mad at me, even the people I considered my friends were angry. This sent me spiraling into an even worse panic mode. Having 80 Sailors angry at me was not a good feeling. They all had horrible things to say to me in the shower, I thought they would even hurt me physically, saying I faked it all. I still am not quite sure why they did this to me. So I felt very trapped, and boiled my options down to 2. Go awall, or resign from the navy. I spoke with my RDC about the event, told him maybe I wasnt right for the navy and should just go home, he got very upset and brought me in the middle of the compartment and yelled at everyone, stating that if anyone were to say anything negative towards me again he would personally make sure whomever would be asmo'd back ATLEAST 3 weeks. So my shipmates apologized. But this just left me feeling even more embarrassed. Again I talked to my RDC...told him everything about my anxiety. He said I had a choice, go tell REU or shut up and be fine after bootcamp was over. He said think about it over chow. So in the chow hall I sat and planned my escape...I was going to fake sick while my division was about to leave to recieve orders, stay in the comparment...grab my stuff, (including my 8 point and my military id) and head for chicago. But when I went to the RDC to ask to go to sick call, I broke down. He wrote on the slip I had an anxiety attack, that I was scaring him and needed help.
So that was it, of course sick call sent me to REU...I was separated.
If I had just kept my mouth shut, I would still be in the navy. And perfectly functional.
I met ALOT of interesting people in separations though. I think about 1 person I met was honestly sick in the head and needed to go home...Most were just faking mental illness to go home in their first week at bc. (other then the physically injured people). There is going to be a number of times alot of you are going to want to quit, just give up, go to REU and get out. DONT DO IT! And most of you now who are reading this say, NOPE not me. I will be perfectly fine! This isnt true. Bootcamp isnt hard, but it isnt a cake walk either. Just make it through knowing graduation is just a stones throw away...
First of all, if you have any sort of anxiety condition, or any mental disorder. STOP! do NOT go into the military...you will regret it and end up wanting or actually going home. The point of bootcamp is to break you down, to build you in the way the military sees most fit.
I had very major symptoms of anxiety before I left for bc. I ignored them, even lied to myself because I knew it would disqualify me. I had horrible anxiety attacks, and whats called "de-realization" (look it up if you dont know what it is). Although everyone has some degree of anxiety throughout bootcamp, it does not mean its permanent. They actually allow every recruit to have one anxiety attack with zero consequences in basic. I had multiple. I only reported two though, the first one...and the one that got me disqualified and separated. Since I refused to believe that I had an anxiety disorder I thought there was something physically wrong with me. My first attack I literally thought I was having a heart attack. Since some of the physical symptoms of anxiety mimic the symptoms of a heart attack. So that being said I fell to my knees in the middle of the chow hall. I was rushed to the local hospital, only to be told nothing was wrong with me. I was put on LLD until cleared by a mental professional then I continued training. Now that I knew what I was experiencing was anxiety I ignored all the symptoms. Not realizing I was actually harming my body and my mind.
So that being said I was at battlestations, I would estimate that it was around 7am when a serious panic attack struck me. My whole body locked up...I litterally could not move my fingers, they locked up in a weird crooked position. I was brought into the small medical room aboard the ship. My blood pressure was dangerously high. They called the paramedics, but by the time they had gotten there I made myself calm down. I was given the option to go to the hospital and I turned it down. I did not want to be sent back to REU, I knew if I went to the hospital again with nothing physically wrong I would be separated. So instead I agreed to go to medical, and be evaluated on base (Before I left I was given my navy ball cap, and my battlestations stamp on my hard card since I only had one event left to complete) The doctor said I was just under alot of stress and asked if I would like to be SIQ for the day. I said no, knowing my shipmates would be very angry at me, since they had to stay up all night and day as well. Anyways I calmed myself down, assured myself that bootcamp was over in 2 days and all my anxieties would go away once I was at A school (which to this day I still believe I would have been fine). Once I had gotten back to my ship, after a couple hours my shipmates were back...they were ALL very very mad at me, even the people I considered my friends were angry. This sent me spiraling into an even worse panic mode. Having 80 Sailors angry at me was not a good feeling. They all had horrible things to say to me in the shower, I thought they would even hurt me physically, saying I faked it all. I still am not quite sure why they did this to me. So I felt very trapped, and boiled my options down to 2. Go awall, or resign from the navy. I spoke with my RDC about the event, told him maybe I wasnt right for the navy and should just go home, he got very upset and brought me in the middle of the compartment and yelled at everyone, stating that if anyone were to say anything negative towards me again he would personally make sure whomever would be asmo'd back ATLEAST 3 weeks. So my shipmates apologized. But this just left me feeling even more embarrassed. Again I talked to my RDC...told him everything about my anxiety. He said I had a choice, go tell REU or shut up and be fine after bootcamp was over. He said think about it over chow. So in the chow hall I sat and planned my escape...I was going to fake sick while my division was about to leave to recieve orders, stay in the comparment...grab my stuff, (including my 8 point and my military id) and head for chicago. But when I went to the RDC to ask to go to sick call, I broke down. He wrote on the slip I had an anxiety attack, that I was scaring him and needed help.
So that was it, of course sick call sent me to REU...I was separated.
If I had just kept my mouth shut, I would still be in the navy. And perfectly functional.
I met ALOT of interesting people in separations though. I think about 1 person I met was honestly sick in the head and needed to go home...Most were just faking mental illness to go home in their first week at bc. (other then the physically injured people). There is going to be a number of times alot of you are going to want to quit, just give up, go to REU and get out. DONT DO IT! And most of you now who are reading this say, NOPE not me. I will be perfectly fine! This isnt true. Bootcamp isnt hard, but it isnt a cake walk either. Just make it through knowing graduation is just a stones throw away...